you do it for her, that is to say, you'll do it for them
by PikaScootaloo
Summary: Hawk Moth's akumas are getting tougher for Ladybug and Chat Noir to fight. So what better way to get stronger than to learn from a certain Felix Agreste who just so happens to have been a superhero once too? Of course, nothing is as easy as it seems when you've got a Chat Noir entirely devoted to protecting his Ladybug with his life. (Two-Shot/Songfic)
1. if you could only know

**Twoshot songfic of "Do It For Her". I'm...** **also Steven Universe trash so, um... sorry in advance?**

 **Crossposted on AO3, with an A/N that credits the inspirations for this and links to their blogs accordingly.**

* * *

This was getting to be too difficult.

Chat Noir practically collapsed on the rooftop, his beloved partner Ladybug following suit. He could practically feel his muscles burn with the aching soreness of pure physical exertion against such a long, drawn-out, _tedious_ akuma fight. Of course, it wasn't like tough battles were anything new to the super duo, it was always something they could manage to do when they happened pretty occasionally. But these fights were becoming _consistently_ tough, the easy ones becoming rarer and rarer, and if that wasn't bad enough they were becoming more _frequent_ too.

Seriously, that made the fourth akuma this _week._

And it wasn't like there was anything _wrong_ with how he and Ladybug fought, no, they stayed consistently in sync, always moving in tandem to one another, exchanging thoughts and emotions too complex to convey with simple words with a simple lock of the eyes. He trusted her implicitly with his _life,_ and he could feel that she trusted him to follow her to the ends of the earth, to which it was his _privilege_ to serve.

So it wasn't like their teamwork needed some work. As far as Chat was concerned, there was literally no way to improve on their perfect dynamic. They couldn't get any better, and yet the akumas _were getting stronger._ And it really was making it infinitely harder to save the day.

Which was a pretty big problem, now that he was thinking about it. But honestly, even though the facts presented themselves plainly in his head, he was just _way too tired_ to even _care._

Ladybug, faced down on the rooftop's asphalt, gave a moan that perfectly echoed and conveyed the emotions to Chat's thought process.

With his back against the roof and his eyes staring unfocused to the night sky, Chat found just enough energy to mimic her with a moan of his own.

He could see her trying to lift her arm with her hands in a feeble fist, but what she attempted to be a playful punch to his arm just kinda crumpled back to the ground before she could so much as graze him.

"Me-ouch," yawned Chat dully, more than happy to play along but not quite possessing the energy needed.

Ladybug lifted her head lazily, eyelids drooped down. "Is Hawkmoth on some kind of paid vacation? Because I seriously don't understand how he has the time to send akumas every waking moment."

Chat chuckled. Although it was quite possible Hawkmoth just found someway to manage his time so he could be evil more often. Which obviously wasn't _good,_ but that butterfly man made it _possible._ Of course, since Adrien somehow always found the time to be Chat Noir on top of school, modeling, fencing, basketball practice, _and_ Chinese lessons, it didn't seem all that impossible for Hawkmoth to do his thing. Not to mention how much more packed that _Felix's_ schedule was long ago…

"Seriously," Ladybug continued, gaining a bit more focus as she got into her rant. "It's not like he's supposed to be any stronger than us, he's just got butterflies and evil energy and all, his akumas weren't that hard at the beginning, why is he getting so much _better?_ "

"We always find a way to win, though, My Lady," Chat tried, attempting to reassure her in some way.

Apparently it had the opposite effect. Ladybug just stared at him. "Someday we might not, Chat."

The pure conviction in her voice sobered him up.

She lied her head against the rooftop's gravel, giving a groan of frustration. "I just… Everything's getting harder and harder and we're not getting _any_ stronger and honestly I know we need to do _something_ about it but right now all I want to do is _sleep ugggh…_ "

Chat nodded, even though it went unnoticed by the faceplanting Ladybug. She had a point, after all… okay, she _always_ had a point, that was nothing new, but still. While their teamwork was spot on (he refrained from giggling at his mind's pun), they needed to get better at actually _fighting._ It was one thing to blindly swing a baton around, and it was another thing to put years of fencing skills to use with a weapon that was definitely _not_ a fencing sword, but to learn the full range of skills a baton had to offer? To learn actual fighting _tactics_ that allowed him to better hold his own and not always have his weapon batted away? That seemed to be beyond his capabilities at this point in time.

Oh, sure, the suit gave him super strength, and there was a fair bit of muscle memory to his steps as time went on, but there still must have been a right way to fight alongside his Lady. He needed to find a way to be strong in the _real_ way.

And of course, operating a _yo-yo_ as a weapon must have been incredibly difficult for Ladybug, magic as it may be. Chat could see the frustration in her eyes whenever any of her attacks would just flat out miss or the akuma would knock it away as if it _wasn't_ capable of bashing their teeth in. If Ladybug could find a way to use her weapon to its full potential to her advantage, Chat was sure she'd be all for finding a way to do that.

If they both wanted to get stronger, did that mean that they needed an… instructor? Someone to teach them the way to fight besides just improvising as they went along? He couldn't imagine there'd be many people who could teach two _superheroes_ and be super awesome at fighting to know their stuff. Maybe he should ask Felix, see if he knew anybody that could-

...Wait.

Right on cue, the duo's Miraculouses beeped in unison, breaking Chat from his thoughts and causing Ladybug to groan. "I know I have two spots left, but I'm _so tired_."

Chat sat up, stretching his arms as he immediately felt more awake, considering his sudden revelation. He spared a glance at his ring, and he could see the paw pad and one little toe bean still a vibrant green. So, two left as well.

"Hey, Bugaboo?"

"Uhn?" she moaned.

"You want us to get stronger, right?"

Ladybug raised her head. "Yeah?"

"Well… I might know a guy that could help us out," Chat shrugged, not even sure that he _would_ go for it. It's not like he'd been doing any crime fighting for the last three years.

Now attentive, she sat up and gave him a quizzical look. "You know a guy?"

"He's a great fighter," Chat explained. "Really skilled, really experienced. And he's definitely _not_ the type to go all starstrucked for superhero celebrities, so we don't really have to worry about him getting distracted from teaching us all he knows." Not like he'd get starstrucked by his own brother. Or… starstrucked period.

Ladybug nodded slowly. "Okay… And are you sure that he could _teach_ us?"

"Absolutely. I, uh… don't know if he would _want_ to, though," he admitted with a sheepish grin. "But I could try and convince him. If I can get him on board, he could be a _huge_ help."

Ladybug stayed silent for a moment, probably contemplating the idea until the final beeping of her and Chat's Miraculouses snapped her out of her thoughts. She stood up, took out her yo-yo and said, "If you can convince him to help us, then bring him to patrol tomorrow night, alright?"

Chat got up to his feet and gave a royal bow. "I'll do my best, my Lady."

"See you around, kitty." Ladybug grinned, throwing her yo-yo and launching herself off into the night.

Chat, alone, watched her silhouette fade into the murky colors of the city, and it wasn't long before a green flash of light enveloped him, signalling the end of his transformation.

Plagg popped out of the ring and immediately rested himself upon Adrien's shoulder. "I am just _starved,_ you better feed me when you find a way to climb off of this roof."

Adrien elected to ignore that little detail. "Do you think he'd go for it, Plagg?"

The kwami stayed silent for a moment. When he spoke, it was shockingly not to complain for cheese. "Hard to say. He's always been a real stubborn kit."

"And you're not?" Adrien teased.

"Hardy har har," Plagg groaned with a roll of his eyes. He gave a huge yawn and curled up on the boy's shoulder. "Take me home already so you can gorge me with cheese."

"That sounds incredibly gross, but okay."

As he tried thinking of ways to get off the rooftop without breaking a few bones in the process, Adrien kept himself hopeful that he could find a way to get his older brother to somehow train him and Ladybug. It couldn't be _that_ hard to convince him, right?

* * *

"No," said Felix, turning his chair back towards the computer screen.

"Wh-c'mon, Felix!" Adrien groaned, poking his brother in the arm. "I need you to do this for me!"

"I already taught you the ropes of crime fighting, Adrien, there's not a whole lot more I can do," Felix said, pointedly ignoring the poking in favor of focusing completely on the computer.

Adrien pursed his lips, retracting his arm. "But these fights are getting _harder_ , Felix, and you're the only one I know who can help us get _stronger._ "

Felix said nothing, just continued to stare at his computer. It didn't seem like he was _reading_ anything, either, he wasn't even scrolling the page down.

"Fe, please."

…

" _Felix._ "

"I have a term paper due tomorrow."

"Plagg, help me out here."

The kwami jolted to attention, lying on the proportionately huge bed with a giant piece of cheese stuffed into his mouth. "Oh, uh, yhuh, whuh he suhd."

Adrien at least _tried_ to have Plagg's incredibly unhelpful attempt have some merit by nodding desperately along.

After a long, deliberate second of staring down at his hand concealed by the sleeve of his shirt, Felix swiveled himself around to face Adrien with his piercing green eyes. "Look, I'm not going to teach you how to fight just so you can get yourself in over your head."

"I've been doing this for over _two years,_ Fe," Adrien retorted.

"And I've done it for seven, but none of that is even relevant."

"Why is it any more different when _I'm_ the one fighting akumas and _you're_ the one who's already fought your bad guy?"

"Because your villain isn't _deadly_ , _Adrien._ " Felix refused to back down now, and Adrien could feel Felix's burning gaze betraying no emotions other than the sheer intensity of it. "Hawk Moth is just a silly butterfly man trying to follow in the footsteps of someone who's been gone for a long time now, someone who needs to _stay_ gone. He thrives off of chaos and despair, but never has he come _close_ to attempting cold blooded murder, and I'm not about to let you get _near_ that sort of fighting when you're not fighting for your life."

Felix started to turn back to his computer, having conveyed his point.

"...I-"

"The answer's no, Adrien."

"I'm fighting for the Miraculouses, Felix. Mine and Ladybug's. And I'm fighting for Paris."

He paused in his tracks, sparing a glance at Adrien.

"I don't know how dangerous _your_ villain was," said Adrien, "but Hawk Moth's getting stronger. And he might not be deadly now, but his akumas are getting worse, and it's getting harder and harder to protect our Miraculouses. If he gets his hands on those, there's no telling _what_ he could to Paris. O-Or to Ladybug."

Felix was now fully attentive. His intense scrutiny while he himself betrayed no opinion in his eyes or body language unnerved Adrien to a very minor degree.

He surprised himself with how soft yet resolute he spoke. "Ladybug is my everything. I _have_ to protect her, and that means we have to train to get stronger. _I_ have to get stronger. I can't be a burden, I want to _help!_ "

When Felix said nothing, Adrien's vehement words started to peter out into a sort of wistful plea.

"Please, Felix. The city needs us. It's our _home_ , and Paris is your home too. Can't you help us protect it?"

It felt like eons as Felix just kept _staring_ with that same scrutinizing look, any expressions indistinguishable on that sharp, angular face. Until, finally, he… nodded? He actually nodded? "Alright then."

Adrien blinked. "I-huh?"

"I'll teach you how to fight in the real way," Felix said, standing with his hands on his hips and a very serious expression on his face. "But you have to take this _absolutely serio-_ -OOF!"

Immediately Adrien just straight up glomped him, hugging him so hard and so fast that it almost made the elder brother lose his footing and fall to the floor.

"Uh, Adrien?"

"THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU OH GOD FELIX YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY I AM YOU SAID YES."

Felix just smiled as Adrien nuzzled his head into his chest, the younger boy blubbering like fifty miles an hour.

With a chuckle, Felix patted Adrien's back.

* * *

Patrol time had come again and Ladybug was honestly worried that Chat wasn't here yet. Sure, it wasn't like they had any set time and sometimes they'd meet up earlier than usual, but it wasn't like Chat to be _twenty minutes late._ Especially when this was finally an akuma-free day. Although maybe that was more of a reason to take the night patrol off, now that she thought about it…

She shook her head. Ugh, no, Chat wouldn't just _bail._ If he wasn't feeling up to patrol, he would at least call and _tell_ her. To just straight up not even come without prior notice was something Chat _never_ did. It wasn't even a plausible option, it just wasn't _possible._

Maybe he was doing some last minute convincing with the fighting teacher guy he knew. At least that was more of a probable outcome…

"Hey, Bugaboo, doing some deep thinking?"

Ladybug whirled around, poised into a fighting stance. When she saw Chat balancing himself on his extended baton with that insufferable grin, she relaxed herself. "As a matter of fact, yes."

"I bet it was about me, wasn't it?" he smirked. "You just can't get me out of your head, huh?"

"Dream on, kitty," she snorted, definitely _not_ about to admit how completely true that was.

"My Lady, I dream of you every night," he said, probably thinking that he was super smooth or something.

Ladybug leaned in, craning her head up to meet Chat's gaze with the most seductive look she could muster. Brushing her fingers against his leg and watching his face go _seriously_ red, she spoke with the softest and silkiest voice imaginable. "Mm, what can I say?"

As Chat silently spluttered, Ladybug tapped his baton, enough to make it and him fall in a heap on the rooftop. She leaned down to bop him on the nose, saying, "I'm just a _total knockout._ "

"T-That you are, my Lady," he stuttered, grabbing his baton and shuffling to his feet.

Seeing her cat so flustered brought her into an entirely good mood. When he composed himself, she asked, "So did you manage to convince this guy to help us?"

At that, Chat brightened. "Actually, yeah! He's got this abandoned warehouse we can go to, we can meet him there now if you want!"

"Abandoned… warehouse," she repeated. That didn't sound all that… appropriate.

Chat held up his hands defensively. "I know, I know, sounds kind of sketchy, but that's where he used to train, and if he trained there, then we definitely can."

There was some sort of implication there, but she really didn't want to bother trying to figure it out. "Alright then, if you're sure."

"I'm _paw_ sitive."

She gave a glare that held no malice. "Just lead the way, chaton."

"With purr-easure."

* * *

True to its name, the abandoned warehouse looked abandoned. The entire exterior seemed to be completely corroded, as if any slight interference could make the entire structure collapse.

Ladybug eyed it with distaste. Surely it must've been some _other_ abandoned warehouse, right?

"This is the place," Chat said, as if reading her mind. "It looks better on the inside, trust me."

"Are you sure, Chat? This place looks very… unstable."

He gave her a playful wink. "Don't worry, I checked it out earlier. It's supposed to look this grody so no one goes in."

"It's definitely working, then," she muttered.

"C'mon, he's waiting for us inside!" With a bounce in his step, he headed through the doors, Ladybug following along with ease.

Entering the warehouse, Ladybug was surprised to see how _nice_ it actually looked inside. Sure, years of disuse had kept the machinery rusty and old, but the faded look of the walls and floors seemed almost nature-like. Weeds and vines grew out of the cracks in the stone, and while a fair bit of the ceiling was pretty much _gone_ (actually, that pile of broken rubble near the corner of the large room seemed to have originated from the ceiling), it paved the way for the glow of moonlight to illuminate the entire area in a soft, mystical tone, bathed in the diluted pink and orange of the walls to create the illusion of daybreak.

All in all, it gave the warehouse a very archaic, mysterious vibe, like there was a history to it just waiting to be uncovered.

At the center of the room, standing amongst a rack of what Ladybug believed to be an array of weapons, was a blond man in a grey looking suit. She wasn't really close enough to make out any other details.

Chat tugged her arm, as excited as a kid in a candy store that sold cat themed halloween candy, and bounded over to the man, Ladybug quickly following suit.

"Hey, we're here!" Chat said eagerly to the man, the latter turning towards the-

...whoa wait THIS is who Chat meant?

"Glad you both could make it," the man (no wait Marinette you KNOW this guy) nodded. "My name is-"

"Felix Agreste?" Ladybug blurted out, still trying to process why Chat had gotten _Adrien's brother_ to train them.

Both Chat and Felix just stared at her, the latter hiding his shock better than the former. "I… yes, that would be me. How did you know?"

"You're Adrien's brother," she said, more for her own sake than to actual answer the question. When she realized she would have to elaborate, she fumbled for an appropriate response that wouldn't indicate that she knew Adrien outside of her mask. "I mean, obviously, everyone knows Adrien Agreste so most people know you. Of you. That you're Adrien's brother. Felix. Agreste. Um… yeah."

Chat and Felix shared a look, but honestly she was just hoping that totally awkward answer would be believable enough for them. And it seemed to be, as Felix averted his gaze and cleared his throat.

"So, yes, I am Felix. And Chat tells me you two need training, yes?"

"Uh, yes, mmhmm, we need training," Ladybug nodded. "Hawk Moth's getting stronger, so we need to get stronger to have a chance at defeating him." She pulled out her yo-yo and kind of tossed it a bit. "If you know of any better ways to fight with this thing, I'm all ears."

"This will take weeks of training at the very _least._ And you both are willing to do whatever it takes to improve your fighting and yourselves?"

"Of course." "Whatever it takes."

Felix gave a curt nod, then turned to Chat. "Let's start with you first, then."

As Chat approached Felix, Ladybug stood there, a bit confused. "Oh, we're… not doing this together?"

"Separately," Felix answered. "I'm more adept at one on one, and as a fencer, a baton is more around my area of expertise than a yo-yo. So Chat's first. You can sit off to the side and watch if you'd like, Miss."

He motioned roughly to the wall, focusing more on getting Chat ready than Ladybug actual being there. Which did irk her slightly, but mostly because the looks he and Chat were giving each other seemed like they _knew_ something that she didn't.

...well, so long as Chat was getting trained, she supposed it didn't exactly matter all that much. With that in mind, Ladybug situated herself against the wall and watched quietly.

Chat stood yards away from Felix, an extended baton in the former's hand, while the latter took out an old, rusty baton of his own from the rack of weapons.

"Remember, Chat," said Felix. "A baton is _not_ a sword."

That seemed to throw Chat off a bit. "I… yeah, obviously, what's that got to do with anything?"

"Your fighting style is _incredibly_ reliant with using your baton as a sword," Felix tsked, and Ladybug noted how very _perceptive_ Felix seemed to be if he knew exactly how Chat would usually fight. "Those are two _very_ different weapons, you know."

Chat snorted. "Says the guy comparing fencing to a baton."

"Hey, you of all people should know how _adept_ I am at using a baton." Sheesh, what was with that _look_ he was giving Chat? And then he smirked. "Ready?"

Chat met his with a smirk of his own. "Ready."

Felix immediately began to falter. "I-no, that's completely wrong."

He blinked. "What do you mean, Felix?"

Striding over to the cat boy, Felix stood next to him and poised himself in a specific position. "Following along?"

"Uh, mmhmm!" Chat mimicked Felix's stance.

Felix nodded. "Alright, everything begins with your stance. Remember… _You do it for her..._ "

As he swung slowly, steadily, a firm yet gentle grip on the near end of the baton, his entire tone shifted into something more… passionate. His voice began to carry a certain rhythm as he methodically swung, shifting his weight on the balls of his feet at a consistent beat.

" _And you would do it again."_

Chat followed along to the best of his abilities, and although he was incredibly light on his feet, he just couldn't follow the consistent beat of the swings perfectly.

" _You do it for her, that is to say, you'll do it for them."_

And so they kept on training, focusing more on the best position for Chat to stand, giving him optimal mobility and the like. Ladybug watched on with a tinge of amazement, seeing the sheer scrutiny Felix gave the cat themed superhero.

" _Keep your stance wide."_

Chat widened his stance.

" _Keep your body lowered."_

Chat lowered his body.

Felix stood in front of the boy, baton raised. He mimed out shifting forward and back, and soon Chat was able to mimic him.

" _And as you're moving forward, balance is the key."_

Felix moved in tandem to his own words, effortlessly moving to his own rhythm. And damn it all if Chat wasn't trying, but it really looked like he was having a hard time truly following along, too focused on Felix than to his own steps. And that was crazy, Ladybug _knew_ how expertly Chat could move when he wanted to, he shouldn't have been getting so bogged down over this.

" _Right foot, left foot."_

" _Now go even faster."_

" _And as you're moving backwards…"_

Chat stole an unsure glance at Felix, and Felix just gave him an intense stare, one he had been giving long before Chat had even met his gaze.

" _Keep your eyes on me."_

This went on for quite a while. Much longer than the scant few hours the night allowed them. In fact, these training sessions pretty much became a daily thing; Chat would be taught the proper stances and the way to wield his baton like an actual _bato_ n, as well as the maneuvers to swing and block and twirl his weapon until this particular style became second nature to him.

A few days into this and Ladybug _still_ hadn't had the chance to train for herself. Which would've been fine if Felix hadn't been so _adamant_ on working with Chat alone, in such an intense way that it frankly _scared_ her.

Chat gripped his baton firmly, his chest heaving with each purposeful breath. " _Keep my stance wide."_

"Good."

" _Keep my body lowered."_

He twirled his baton in one hand, his stance wide and his body lowered.

" _And as I'm moving forward-"_

"Concentrate!" Felix snapped, causing Chat to drop his baton in surprise. "Don't you want her to _live_?"

Chat just gave Felix a determined nod, one that _must have_ conveyed a deep, intense meaning because it gave her this pure, gut feeling of _oh god._ And it was at this point Ladybug was convinced that this wasn't becoming a good thing anymore, that that nod meant something that she didn't know even though she felt that she might have figured out what it meant and that _frightened her._

Chat's stance shifted into something different, something careful yet somehow _entirely_ reckless." _Right foot, left foot."_

"Yes, but put your whole _body_ into it!"

She snapped her head to Felix, the man's eyes flaring with a burning ambition and his fist clenched in front of his face. The light glimmered off a certain black object around one of his fingers, and she caught just enough of a glimpse to see that it was a ring. A ring with a red jewel adorned in the middle and shaped like a _cat._ A _black cat._

Why did that ring look so _important?_

Felix threw down his hand, obscuring the ring from view. " _Everything you have, everything you are, you've got to give…"_

* * *

" _On the battlefield."_

A man, suit bleeding into the dark of night, rushed his way through a flurry of butterflies, swinging blindly at the darkened insects even as more of them swarmed in each time, never impeded by the soft snowfallen air. Even as _millions_ spread themselves far and wide over Paris as a harbinger of desolation and despair, nothing seemed to stop thousands of them from their single goal of keeping him from protecting _her._

He refused to even look behind him, he _knew_ the sort of discord that was happening to the city, any reminder of that was pointless when it didn't pertain to his single minded goal of just _getting past these stupid butterflies and getting back to her_ they shouldn't have even been separated in the _first_ place.

Until finally, _finally_ , he broke through.

And was immediately met with the clear sight of his Ladybug standing face to face with _Papillon._

Too far, he immediately thought. Too far away, she was _too far away._

She stood with her back facing her partner, but it was obvious that with her feet planted and her shoulders squared she had the sort of confidence that showed how entirely ready she was to face off against the cold, calculating, _ruthless_ man that had _killed people_ with his akumas, and only one thought rang in the hero's mind.

She's going to get herself _killed._

He felt a twisting feeling in his gut, and if he were in any other situation he might have tried rationalizing it as just involuntary fear, or that he might have been concerned only because she needed to stay alive as a kiss from her would break his curse and not that he actually _cared_ for this simple, reckless girl who spurned his flowery advances. But any and all logic was completely drained away and he was left with the raw, burning emotion that refused to let her die.

" _When everything is chaos, and you have nothing but the way you feel…"_

Because damn it all, he had come to _care_ for her. And he would protect her at whatever the cost.

" _Your strategy and baton."_

From his perch aboard his blimp, Papillon deliberately gave him a lifeless yet sadistic stare, almost like he were _daring_ the hero to take action, just as the akumas started to swarm back in and obscure everything, including _Ladybug_.

He brushed his fingers against the black ring he wore, embodying all that is bad luck and cursed like his namesake, and knew without a doubt that he would lay down his life for her.

His purpose resolute, Chat Noir grasped his baton and charged through the swarm of akumas.

" _You just think about the life you'll have together after the war."_

* * *

" _And then you do it for her. That's how you know you can win."_

Felix swung his baton, caution thrown to the wind, as Chat Noir successfully blocked each expert attack with his own baton. They shared a look, evident that they were completely on the same wavelength now. And considering how devoted to this ideal Felix was, that wasn't something she wanted for Chat to match with his own.

" _You do it for her, that is to say, you'll do it for them."_

For them…

Was it for Paris, Ladybug thought? Would Chat give it all he had, all he was for the sake of the city?

Of course he was devoted, but _this_ sort of devotion that Felix seemed to bring out of (or worse, _instill into_ ) him?

Chat began to wring his hands out, continuous sheer gripping of the baton taking its toll. Felix shook his head with a slight, sympathetic grin.

" _Deep down, you know you weren't built for fighting."_

He looked up at Felix, alarmed, as if to say, 'No of course I am I can _do_ this I _am_ built for fighting', to which Felix met with a look of pure empathy.

" _But that doesn't mean you're not prepared to try!"_

Somehow understanding his words on a far deeper level, Chat nodded and readjusted his grip, his slight wince going unnoticed only by Felix.

" _What they don't know is your real advantage."_

The falter in his steps, however, _did_ go noticed, and Felix went over and put his hands on Chat's shoulders reassuringly. Much like the times before, an entire, nonverbal conversation ensued between the duo in only a few moments.

" _When you live for someone…"_

And then Felix turned his head and _looked_ at Ladybug, acknowledging her existence for the first time since all this training stuff had even _started._

" _You're prepared to die."_

Ladybug gulped, the true severity of what Felix was asking of her partner hitting her full force.

Chat seemed entirely too engrossed on obeying Felix's lesson, and whether or not he was _aware_ of what Felix was trying to teach (or hell, if _Felix_ was aware of this) was hard to tell. " _Deep down, I know that I'm just a human."_

"True," said Felix.

" _But I know that I can wield my baton and fight!"_

Chat attacked the air, performing some tricky moves with his baton that would otherwise have been really impressive had he not been throwing his _all_ into it.

" _With my short existence…"_

"Good."

" _I can make a difference!"_

"Yes, excellent."

" _I can be there for her, I can be her knight."_

He stood so triumphantly, proud to have finally mastered using his baton, but holy _hell_ did that just make Ladybug feel even worse.

He practically _beamed_ at Felix, holding out his baton in victory. " _I can do it for her!"_

Felix did the same with his baton, speaking in unison with him. " _You do it for them!"_

And then with a grin of approval, Felix said, " _Okay now do that again."_

"Yes, sir!"

" _You do it for them, and now you say…"_

Chat, that sweet, sweet, _devoted_ cat, kneeled in front of Ladybug like a goddamn _knight_ practically _begging_ to give his life all for _her._ And with a voice as soft and as peaceful as can be, he spoke.

" _I'll do it for her_."

Oh _god._


	2. what we really are

Now, Chat's head was pounding and swimming and literally everything else that hinted at a possible concussion and he couldn't exactly tell whether or not he was currently standing, but the one thing he was sure about was that Ladybug was _pi_ _ssed._

He could vaguely feel her trembling arms wrapped around him but was he being carried or was he just using her as support he literally could not even tell just moving in general hurt like _so bad._

The movement stopped and he immediately felt himself on rooftop gravel and yeah okay he was _definitely_ not standing and that _definitely_ hurt.

Ladybug started to speak, and Chat tried his hardest to focus on that instead of the pain. His Lady always had the most serene, angelic, comforting voice.

"You _stupid_ cat, I can't believe you just _did that_."

Ah, yes. Comforting.

He mustered up a smirk, pretty much failing to keep the pain out of his expression as he tried focusing his eyes on the blur of red. "Aw, you're worried about me."

"No _shit_ I'm worried about you idiot."

That was… not the response he was expecting. Sure, he wasn't expecting much considering the sheer agony of pain was at the forefront of his mind, but never did he think his Lady would use such _risque language_. The thought of it made him laugh dazedly.

Which probably wasn't the correct response, as he suddenly felt Ladybug shoving his shoulder roughly which was kinda making the pain take a sharp return just as it started to dull down.

"Don't you _dare_ laugh at this, _Chat_." Her voice choked dryly, and he immediately sobered up. "This is _serious_ why you just _took that blow_ are you _insane_ why why would you oh god am I hurting you right now?!"

Immediately she removed her hands, and as his vision started to adjust he could see her hands wringing at open air, completely unsure of what they wanted to strangle, just that they had to strangle _something_ to get rid of whatever anxiety they held in their trembles.

"I-It's okay," he tried to speak reassuringly, his pained voice betraying him. "I'll be-"

"Do you have a concussion? Your head isn't bleeding but oh god what if it's internal bleeding _how_ am I supposed to treat a concussion I don't have _any_ medical knowledge?"

It was odd, seeing her so frazzled and making some weird gestures with her arms (they somehow found ways to frame her face, it was _incredibly_ adorable), but Ladybug was strong. Ladybug was _smart_. Ladybug could handle the weakened akuma without him, she had already figured out the object it possessed, just one broken memorabilia and a swarm of magic sparkly ladybugs later and everything would be _fine._

She hadn't stopped rambling. "-and what if you fall asleep I'm pretty sure people with concussions shouldn't fall asleep Chat _do not fall asleep._ "

Chat gave her what he hoped to be a reassuring laugh. "Hey, it's okay, once you defeat the akuma I'll be good as new."

She stared at him, incredulous, jaw still trying to form muted words.

He knew moving anything would make him wince and show her that he was still _extremely_ hurt, so he opted to give her a wink instead. Not even a flirtatious one, just a wink that conveyed how okay, how _back to normal_ everything would be.

"Chat…"

"Trust me?"

She was still for a very long moment before she tried to reach out to him. It was almost imperceptible, the ghost of a movement from her arm, but there was undeniably a shift in posture as she seemed to stiffen, like she was _restraining_ herself. Her lips were dry as she croaked out, "I trust you with my _life_ , Chat."

Ladybug stood up, took out her yo-yo and gave him this _look_ of pure and unadulterated concern and care and worry that made Chat's heart simultaneously swell and sink.

"Please… _don't_ trust me with yours."

She swung back into battle, leaving Chat alone on the rooftop with his dulled pain to accompany him. And really, he was too focused on her parting words to even _care_ about the continuous numb pain.

Now, Ladybug could be wrong sometimes. He knew that, he _accepted_ that, she wasn't infallible. But he knew that she would always learn from her mistakes (sometimes later than sooner, when she felt that she was in the right it was _incredibly hard_ for her to change her mind), the Volpina incident a prime example in his mind. Those instances were few and far in between though; for the most part, she was usually right.

But when she was wrong?

Oof. Then she was _so wrong_.

Because why would she think for one second that she wasn't worthy of being trusted with Chat's life? He would trust her unconditionally, there was no doubt in his mind that he would trust her with his life.

Which was why he felt the duty, the obligation, the responsibility, the _privilege_ to protect the life she had trusted him to keep safe. And he was damn well going to protect her. For his sake, for her sake, for the sake of _Paris_.

That was his job, protect Paris, save the city from Hawk Moth's wrath. He was a superhero after all, that's just what he had to _do._ That was what both he and Ladybug had to do. But in the end, only one of them could really _save_ Paris. Destruction was essential, Plagg had once told him as carefree as ever, it worked in tandem to creation. Both had its advantages and limits. Where one had weakness, the other had strength. Where one struggled, the other thrived.

But in the heat of battle, when everything goes wrong, where bad luck rears its ugliest side, only one of them could ever hope to fix things seemingly beyond repair.

Because while both halves could protect, destruction could not _save_. It could not repair, or fix, or restore. It could only _destroy_.

Creation was necessary to save everything and everyone. Creation needed to stay _alive_.

Sure, Ladybug was strong and smart and all other things that made her crazy awesome and an amazing leader and one of the greatest people he knew.

But even Ladybug was not infallible.

Ladybug was just a human.

He would trust her with his life a thousand times over. If he went down, she could still fix things, bring them back to normal. She _had_ before, she'd already proven how possible she could make the impossible.

But if she went down, then it was _game over._ There was no Miraculous Curing that, gone would be _gone_.

And so he felt not resignation, but a calm acceptance that this was the way things would be. Ladybug protected Paris. Chat Noir protected Ladybug. If it meant keeping his Lady alive and well, then he would be honored to take the blow a thousand times over.

Not like she couldn't Miraculous Cure it anyway.

Chat blinked, his cat ears wiggling (which was completely involuntary because _jeez_ did that make his head hurt just _twitching_ ) as they detected a familiar phrase being uttered by the most familiar voice. And then he spotted a familiar stream of pinkish red sparkles heading straight for him.

Speaking of Miraculous Cure…

In the blink of an eye, the ladybug sparkles wrapped around him, any and all semblance of pain being washed away as if he wasn't even hurt in the first place. They weren't even there for two seconds, but Chat felt instantly reinvigorated the moment they flew away to fix other things caught up in the attack.

Carefully so as not to pull any muscles (not even a Miraculous Cure could heal his fatigue, that wasn't a physical wound), he stood up and stretched his arms and legs, so glad to be able to walk without support, or just to walk at all.

He heard a light footfall behind him, and he turned to see Ladybug, his face practically _beaming_. "See? Good as new, my Lady!"

In his glee, he didn't exactly noticed how _pissed_ she was. "No, don't you _my Lady_ me, you don't _get_ to _my Lady_ me."

Chat's face fell. "Um-"

"What were you _thinking_?!" she fumed, pointing an accusatory finger to his chest. "You could've been seriously hurt!"

Before Chat even had time to open his mouth, Ladybug cut him off with a bitter laugh. "Wait, no, _silly me_ , you _did_ get seriously hurt, and I had to take on the akuma alone because you just _immediately_ took the first hit. The _first_ hit, Chat, I probably could have _blocked_ it, but _nooo_ , you just _haaad_ to be some sort of martyr and take it for me."

At some point she had started pacing around the roof, making wild and extreme gestures with her hands to further emphasize her point.

"I-this isn't like it's the first time," Chat shrugged, holding his hands up defensively.

"It's the first time you've done it so _needlessly_!" she shot back, running her fingers through her hair before throwing them back down, taking a few strands with them. "I just-I don't want you doing it at _all,_ but you always do it when I actual _am_ in immediate danger. I mean, _hell, Chat,_ there's a difference between getting shot with a hate arrow or frozen in time, and a freaking _baseball to the_ _face_."

Frozen in time? What did she…

No, that didn't matter. What mattered right now was reassuring Ladybug that this was _fine_ , that _he_ was fine. "Hey, a baseball is pretty, I dunno, mundane, right? Compared to a hate arrow?"

"And you got _hurt_ ," Ladybug choked out. "You got _hurt_ and I couldn't do anything about it and I just-just _uggh!_ "

She slumped to her knees, face buried in her hands, entire body trembling. Was that in anger or concern? Should he reach out to her or give her space? God, when did he become so _unsure?_

So Chat just stood there, the air between them thick and heavy and _unbearable_. "Hey, I'm-I'm not hurt anymore."

"That doesn't make it _better_ … " she grumbled, so soft it would've been impossible to hear without Chat's feline ears. "You think just 'cause Miraculous Cure can fix anything that makes it okay?"

"Um, yeah?"

She snapped her gaze to him, jaw agape, but he continued to speak, because he _had_ to explain this to her, make her see that this _wasn't_ just him being reckless and careless and ignorant to the risks, that he knew fully well what he was getting into.

Chat knelt next to her, refusing to break his gaze because dammit, this was something she _needed_ to know, and he wasn't about to let any show of submission work its way in like it always did whenever Chat did not wear the mask.

"Ladybug, your powers can fix _anything_. And mine, mine just _destroys_ things. You're the only one who can put stuff back to normal, Paris needs you more than it needs me, and I'm perfectly fine with that."

"But _I'm_ not," she choked out, her face red with tears and anger and all things frustration that just made Chat's heart lurch. "And-And that doesn't mean you can just be so _reckless_ and leave me to fight alone."

"I can _afford_ to be reckless," he insisted. "Miraculous Cure can-"

"I don't _care_ about the stupid Miraculous Cure! I care about _you_ and you just keep getting _hurt_ and the akumas are getting _stronger_ Chat, that one just gave you a _concussion_ with a baseball even though you taken a lot worse with stuff like a pole to the freaking _face_." She hiccuped at the end, speaking so fast it was incredibly difficult for Chat to keep up. After a few deep breaths, she spoke again, the fire in her tone dying down to a smoldering ember she desperately tried to keep alight. "So-so don't tell me you can _afford_ to be reckless, because-because you _can't, we_ can't, and I don't want you banking on the Cure to bring everything back to normal, because someday it might _not_."

"That doesn't matter." His voice felt thick and scratchy, but he pressed on. "It doesn't matter if the Cure works or not, _you're_ the only one who needs to stay alive. I'm just _expendable_ , Paris doesn't _need_ me-"

"Screw Paris! _I_ need you!"

And then she suddenly embraced him, holding on so tightly that it knocked the breath out of Chat, but he found that when he tried to breathe after the moment of pure shock that stiffened his body, it came out as a series of choppy sniffs that made his chest heave.

"I need you, chaton," she murmurred into his thicket of hair, squeezing his body even tighter, as if she were drawing strength from his self. "You are _so wrong_ if you think that I can do this without you, you mean the _world_ to me. I wouldn't even be Ladybug if it weren't for you. Please… I need you, I need to be by your side, I need you _alive_ , I just… I _need_ you…"

That got him to finally hug her back, simultaneously clutching her as if his life depended on it and melting into her embrace.

"I'll always need you, my Lady," he whispered softly, "but…" He pursed his wavering lips, debating on whether or not to continue speaking what he had readied on his tongue. It felt like a sort of betrayal to have her words be all for naught. Which, okay, wasn't entire true, it meant _so much_ to him that his Ladybug needed him, but couldn't she see how he _needed_ her just as much? So he took a gamble and spoke into her pigtails. "But I couldn't stand it if something happened to you. Please, just… let me do this for you?"

She was silent for a long moment, her grasp on his back not loosening in the slightest. Just as Chat was prepared to speak, to apologize because he _knew_ this wasn't what she wanted but he just _couldn't_ bring himself to do what she was asking of him and that made him feel sick inside, Ladybug's body jerked with a chuckle that for all intents and purposes _tried_ to be lighthearted but failed miserably.

"Heh, stupid kitty." And then there was more of a bitterness to her tone. "Stupid kitty… Stupid kitty, stupid training, stupid _Felix_ …"

Wait, what?

"Felix?" he croaked, forcing himself to pull away because he needed to see in her face what the hell she meant by that. "What does Felix have to do with anything?"

She stared at him, face trying to contort into a sort of anger but only managed to come across as some mixed version of sorrow and bewilderment. "You look me dead in the eyes and tell me this all hadn't started with Felix and his training sessions."

Chat was prepared to do just that, to tell her that Felix had nothing to do with what he _chose_ to do, that this wasn't some new feeling that Chat had been taught, but he just… couldn't bring himself to meet her gaze? He _knew_ that this wasn't Felix's fault, he _**knew**_ , so why couldn't he _meet her gaze?_

As he tried to dissect his own thoughts, Ladybug sighed in pure exasperation and desperation. "See? If Felix hadn't been training you all this time and putting that idea into your head, this _wouldn't have happened,_ this would-you wouldn't be taking the hits like this."

"I've taken the hits before though?" he sort of asked, because yeah, obviously he had done it before but that wouldn't have meant that Felix planted the idea if all that was _before_ then.

"Not the _first hit_ , Chat."

"I…" It was true, wasn't it? He racked his brain through the many, _many_ akuma fights they have endured together, and he was surprised to realize that this really _was_ the first time he had taken the hit for her at the very beginning of the fight. ...Okay, Dark Cupid excluded, he was the only one to _see_ the attack, and he didn't really give her any room to dodge. But with this fight, Ladybug was _totally_ in control, she saw that mega baseball coming a mile away. And Chat just… leapt in front of her, like she couldn't even take it.

So, he had to ask himself, did this start with Felix?

...no, actually not.

With the memories of all their akuma attacks at his disposal, he could recall many, _many_ times when he had taken the blow for her, felt that gut instinct of his to just _act_ , and not think of any lasting consequences as long as his Ladybug could be protected. That wasn't something that could just be _taught_ , after all. So… what exactly _was_ Felix's influence then?

As Chat zoned back in, he found that Ladybug had already continued to speak, staring daggers at the asphalt. "-and that makes me _scared_ , Chat. I don't know why you guys even _know_ each other but you _do_ and it's like he's trying to give you these really toxic ideals, what he's doing to you _scares_ me. It's-Felix just seems _incredibly_ dangerous, what kind of person even _does_ this sort of thing?!"

 _Someone who used to be a Chat Noir_ , his mind instantly supplied. Would she understand Felix's actions a little more if she knew he used to fight to protect the city like they did?

He internally chided himself. No, that wasn't his secret to tell.

The thought of it, though, did fill in a few missing gaps to Chat's theory. Felix had been a Chat Noir at one point, too. And Felix had his own Ladybug to protect. A Ladybug he _must have_ cared about, no one fought to protect the city of Paris from evil for seven years and _no t_ grow to have a certain connection, even if it _was_ Felix. A Ladybug that… he would die for?

Just like Chat would…

Felix had said his villain was deadly. And while Hawk Moth was no where _near_ deadly, it was obvious that his akumas had taken a step up in difficulty, Ladybug and Chat were susceptible to more danger and more bodily harm. Or rather, _Ladybug_ was.

So perhaps Felix hadn't _planted_ the idea of laying down his life for Ladybug into Chat's head, but his training combined with the growing risk of harm certainly did water it and grow it from a bud of worry into a full on flower of martyrdom.

A rather large part of his mind _knew_ how much of a problem this was, and he understood why Ladybug was so worried about him, and he knew within his heart that Ladybug was perfectly capable of fighting by herself, but honestly, right now Chat didn't _care_ . He didn't care that he was putting his life at risk, he didn't care that he wasn't necessary to save Paris, he just cared about keeping Ladybug _alive_ , there was just too much of a risk involved, Chat Noir would give his life a thousand times over if it meant that she would be protected, he couldn't live with himself if he lost her like…

...Like Felix had lost his Ladybug.

The only thing worse than worrying about losing a Ladybug is having actually _lost_ her.

If this was what it felt like to just think about losing the one you cared for most, then what had _Felix_ gone through? What kind of pain had he felt when _his_ Ladybug had died? Was this why he was so vehement about living and dying for a Ladybug? Oh god, was he _okay?_

A thought jolted like lightning and rumbled like thunder in his mind, and he stole a look at his Ladybug, her face showing so much concern, so much worry. It made Chat pale.

Was… this how much he was worrying her, like how Felix was to him? Was Chat really getting _that_ bad?

He could… he could worry about that later. There would be time for a serious discussion later. Later, later, later. Right now, he had to talk to Felix, _stat_.

"I think we should go talk to Felix," Ladybug murmured slowly, gaze still locked on Chat, as if reading his mind. "This has got to stop."

Of course. _They_ had to talk to Felix.

"What do you have in mind?" he muttered, voice dry.

She gave him this _look_ , one filled with the sheer determination to solve any problem. One of the many things he loved about her. "I have a plan," she said adamantly, standing up tall and proud as she brought out her yo-yo. "Let's go, Chat."

As she swung towards the warehouse, Chat drew his baton and dutifully followed along.

He would follow her to the ends of the Earth, after all.

* * *

Ladybug knew for a fact that their conversation hadn't quite fixed everything. It was insanely naive to think that it _would_ , this was something she knew needed time, and lots of it. But she hoped that it was a good enough start to put things back to the way they were before (that might've been a bit too idealistic of a result too, but she refused to entertain the idea that maybe things wouldn't be back to normal like some kind of emotional Miraculous Cure, she just wanted _her Chat back_ ). And confronting Felix would be an even bigger step towards reaching it.

She landed in front of the seemingly abandoned warehouse, Chat landing in tandem next to her. They stood there for a weighty moment, and it took everything in her power to not ball her hands into fists. A large part of her was screaming to just storm in there and give the man a good punch in the face, because how _dare_ he try converting her kitty into some martyr, how was such a cold man even related to someone as warm and kind as Adrien, Adrien didn't _deserve_ that.

But Ladybug's drive to get some answers outweighed her desire to inflict physical harm.

Which was why she only stood for a moment before barging into the warehouse, Chat hot on her heels.

Felix was there (when _wasn't_ he?), and when all he did was acknowledge them ( _him_ , her anger fueled mind supplied, Felix was only addressing _Chat_ ) with a curt nod, what would have once been a concerned irritation ignited instantly into a burning fury, because honestly, Ladybug was _done._

"Hey, _Felix_ ," Ladybug said, making sure her voice was nice and clear.

He glanced over to her, eyebrow raised, none of the intensity from the training last time shown in his eyes. "Yes?"

"Don't you think it's about time you started training _me_ now?"

Chat blinked, staring at Ladybug in confusion, but that wasn't about to stop her. She _refused_ to let that stop her. When Felix didn't immediately answer, she prompted him with a, "Well?"

"And why would I do that?" asked Felix, keeping his tone neutral.

"Because that's why we're here," she snorted. "Chat and I, we do this together, so if you train him, you'd _better_ train me."

"Uh, Ladybug, where exactly are you going with this?" Chat stepped in, a bit nervous.

"Chat…" She turned to face him, her eyes conveying one single request, and she hoped hoped hopedthat he could pick up on it like he always had before, in every akuma fight they faced together, as if nothing had changed at all between them. Sheneeded to know that their years of fighting crime as a team wasn't all for naught with this _one single request_ :

 _Trust me?_

There was a moment of thought, maybe, but not hesitance. Dutifully, Chat nodded and took another step forward, next to her. He gave her this look, one with such a specific meaning that she _instantly_ understood.

 _Of course_ , the look said. _We're a team, aren't we?_

It was like all her worries had just disappeared, releasing a weight on her shoulders that she hadn't noticed before. It didn't matter what happened afterwards, she was just relieved, so relieved that everything would be okay. That _they_ were okay.

 _Unstoppable._

"Ahem?"

As for what was most definitely _not_ okay…

"So?" she prompted to Felix, refusing to back down. "Are you gonna train me?"

"No," huffed Felix, letting his irritation finally leak through.

She looked over at Chat, and receiving a nod from him, turned back to Felix and pulled out her yo-yo. "Then I'll fight you."

"Excuse me?" he said flatly.

"You heard me," she snarled. "I want the right to stand alongside Chat as we fight to protect Paris. If you don't want to show me how to fight, then I'll just show you how _I_ fight."

"You can't be _serious_ ," Felix groaned.

She twirled her weapon, ready for action. "I'm _very_ serious. Let's see how the great Felix Agreste is at giving it his all for the sake of _Paris._ " Ladybug spat out that last word venomously, as they both knew that he had no interest in doing it for the city.

"Why are you so _stubborn_?" he growled, to which he was met with a warning shot in the form of the yo-yo thrown past his head, then back again. "Can't you see that you're not supposed to be the one in _danger_?"

"I'm a superhero!" Ladybug retorted, getting more heated by the second. "That's kind of in the job description!"

When she shot her yo-yo again, Felix deflected it with his baton. "People are _counting_ on you to stay alive!"

"I DON'T CARE!"

"YOU'RE GOING TO GET YOURSELF _KILLED, BRIDGETTE._ "

Everything just _stopped_.

Ladybug froze, her yo-yo clattering uselessly to the ground. She vaguely registered Chat's silent gasp next to her.

And Felix had only just now recognized his error, panting heavily after having just bore all the emotions he had effortlessly kept in check, a sort of tiredness radiating from him.

His baton slipped out of his grasp, dully clacking against the hardwood.

"I… That's enough for today…"

He turned and slunk over to the end of the room, and only one thought rang in Ladybug's mind.

 _He knew Bridgette?_

And then, with the ring and his behavior and the fact that he used to be _in Bridgette's class_ in mind she amended that thought.

 _No. He knew Ladybug_.

She made her way over to Felix just as Chat was, and they both sat next to the emotionally emptied man.

It took a few long moments before Ladybug was able to bring herself to speak. "Were… you once a Chat Noir?"

He nodded noncommittally, staring ahead through the broken hole of the wall, just as the break of sunrise was starting to peter in.

Chat spoke next, with just as much hesitance. "And was Bridgette… your Ladybug?"

He nodded once more, and in a raspy voice said, "Bridgette was incredibly reckless. She had no problems with punching a mass murderer in the face, after all. I'm amazed she even _survived_ through that part."

"Bridgette always said her good luck kept her safe…" Ladybug muttered.

"Not like _luck_ helped her in the end," he snorted ruefully.

Ladybug nodded in understanding, and a glance over to Chat revealed him to be mimicking her actions. A thought briefly passed through her mind that maybe Chat _knew_ who Felix used to be, in which case that would explain just about _everything_ concerning all of this training. But honestly, right now Ladybug didn't _care_. She could think about that later.

Right now, she was facing a man who had lost just about _everything_ , and while it didn't exactly justify what he had done, it was something she could _understand_. She had lost Bridgette too; she could empathize with his pain.

Chat apparently seemed to have something slightly different in mind. He took a few seconds before asking, "What _happened_ to her?"

Felix was silent.

"No one knows," Ladybug supplied instead. Which okay, wasn't _entirely_ true, she had a pretty damn good idea, and Felix probably did too, but as far as she knew there was nothing concrete on where Bridgette was or if she was even _alive_. And given that she, Bridgette's _cousin_ , successor to the title of Ladybug, didn't even know, she doubted Chat would, even if he _did_ know about Felix's old double life. It was just… no one _knew_ of Bridgette's fate.

Although, looking at Felix's expression, she had a gut feeling that _he_ might have known.

Felix drew in a breath that would've been shaky if he wasn't so void of any feeling whatsoever, so completely emotionally dead inside. "She's gone. She's gone, and I'm still here."

Nothing else needed to be said. Words wouldn't help this situation any more than they already had.

And so they sat there, silent to the world and the world silent to them.

* * *

 _Tap, tap, tap._

His body was simultaneously stiffened and on the verge of collapse, despite being stationed in what some would call a comfy swivel chair with a tower of monitors looming over him.

 _Tap, tap, tap._

His calloused hands wrung against the loose skin of his face, smearing on the ghost of bloodied droplets that had long since disappeared ( _yet having never been once cleaned away_ ).

 _Tap, tap, tap._

His foot refused to stop its weak semblance of channeling all that had plagued the man's mind and soul as it continued to tap against the sleek ( _cold, cruel_ ) tiles.

 _Tap tap tap_

This wasn't how it was supposed to go. This wasn't how any of it was supposed to go.

 _Tap tap tap_

He had lost her all those years ago, and the wound had never even _tried_ to heal. And to think that, now,having faced a kindred spirit bearing the same mask he had in another time, given the opportunity to do something that could maybe just take away all this _guilt and despair,_ he could just atone for what had happened ( _his misdeeds, his transgressions, his sins_ ), as if it were as simple as that?

 _Taptaptaptaptaptap_

To stoop so low in his desire ( _hunger, crave, greed_ ) for internal redemption that he would endanger the life of _his own brother?_

…

Pathetic.

There was a light footfall that came through the second story window, and he knew that _Adrien_ wouldn't be the face he saw.

"Hey, um, Felix…?" came the boy's hesitant greeting.

Felix stayed stationed in front of his computer, even though it had powered down ages ago. He didn't need to turn around to instantly recognize the voice of his brother, after all. He also didn't need to turn around to know how Adrien's voice had come from a mask that Felix was finding it increasingly difficult to blur together both the image and the voice as their own singular person.

He never could to begin with.

"Fe, please," croaked the boy donning the Chat Noir mask.

It's not like he wasn't trying, though. Adrien was Chat Noir, Chat Noir was Adrien. It's been true for two years now, but no matter how hard he tried to convince himself of that simple fact, no matter how hard he so desperately _wanted_ to just _see what was right in front of him_ , he just… couldn't.

Or well, he could. And that was exactly the problem.

"Felix, _please_ , just say _something._ " The boy's footsteps echoed through the cold, empty room, getting closer and closer.

Because in Felix's mind, there had only ever been one Chat Noir.

One who had failed to protect his Ladybug with his life.

His black ring felt deathly cold against the palm of his clasped fist, and Felix whirled around in his seat, staring defiantly at an image he knew all too well. It had changed over the years, certainly, the face was much less sharp and angular, more soft and round with the weight of responsibility somehow not having yet taken its toll, and the hair was much softer and mildly untamed than the sleek, wild style it had been all those years ago. But this was still undeniably Chat Noir.

"Detransform, Adrien," he said in a voice that tried too hard to be neutral.

Chat (no, _Adrien_ ) reeled back slightly, not expecting such a sudden response. Funny how that was just the way Felix would have reacted on the very rare instances that he had been caught off guard. "Wh-Why do you want me to…?"

There were many reasons why, all of them being half truths, and any of them could apply easily enough. Being Chat Noir was a dangerous job. Adrien was in over his head thinking there was an actual _freedom_ to this. Adrien didn't deserve to have this responsibility thrusted onto him. He was just a _kid_.

Any of them, _all_ of them really, were perfectly valid responses, because they would be addressing _a_ problem, just not _the_ problem.

Felix considered himself a straightforward man, deception not really applying to him ( _that's a lie and you know it_ ). But these half-truths and lies of omission had become second nature to him, as it was a necessity when one moonlighted as a hero of destruction years ago ( _some hero he turned out to be, he never even wanted it in the first place_ ) with a secret identity to protect at all costs, even if it meant lying to the _very few_ people he loved. So it only felt natural that those arsenal of words stayed poised on the tip of his tongue, ready to be spoken.

What actually came out was, "So I know I'm not just talking to myself." He couldn't mask the pain in his voice.

Despite his past, Felix was nothing if not a straightforward man.

A delayed flash of green answered his aching words, and Adrien stood in Chat Noir's place.

"Felix…" Adrien murmured, as if he _understood_ , when he really, _really **didn't.**_

"Don't." The sympathy in his voice just made Felix look away and wring his eyes shut. He didn't want that sympathy, he didn't _deserve_ it, why on earth would Adrien think he did?

What must he have been thinking right now? That this heroic, aloof, perfect Felix had suddenly become this fragile mess of a person that needed to be handled with care? That he needed to be pitied for this tragic downfall when really he needed to be _condemned_ for _failing so hard?_ That-

"I'm so sorry," said Adrien suddenly, taking Felix _truly_ by surprise.

He just stared wide eyed at his younger brother. "Why are _you_ sorry?" he blurted out incredulously.

Adrien shrunk back, staring at his hands miserably. "I just… I didn't know. I _should have_ known. That all this time, while I've been out fighting the sort of enemies you'd faced, you've been _hurting._ For… for _so long..._ "

"None of that is your fault, Adrien," Felix said, his words slow and clear as he tried to process this turn of events. Was Adrien actually blaming _himself_? For what _Felix_ tried to do to him that could have gotten him seriously hurt?

"But I should've _noticed_ ," the boy pressed on. "If I did, I could've done something to _help_ , I-"

" _Adrien_."

In one fluid motion, Felix stood up, gripping both of the younger boy's shoulders and staring straight into his eyes, trying to draw up _some_ semblance of long since gone strength to give to Adrien. He could try, after all, to at least pretend that he could manage being a proper sibling figure to his so young, so _vulnerable_ brother ( _more vulnerable than you?_ ).

"This _isn't your fault_ ," Felix repeating, straining each word to get his point across. "You have _nothing_ to be sorry for."

Adrien's mouth opened, as if to shoot back some desperate plea, as if his help could somehow fix the mistakes that Felix had made. Still made…

Whether or not Adrien would say something else was irrelevant, as Felix just continued to speak. "I'm… _I'm_ the one who should be sorry. I…" He cursed inwardly as he felt himself take a shuddering breath. No, _no_ , he couldn't let his screwed up emotions ruin this, he _had_ to be strong for Adrien.

Of course, his misfortune never truly left him, after all, and the false strength he had acquired started to quickly unravel. His hands, a trembling mess, slowly released their iron-clad grip on Adrien's shoulders, and his legs were a jelly that caused him to collapse back into his chair.

Felix buried his head in his hands.

Dammit… Dammit, dammit, _dammit_. He couldn't even do that for him. He couldn't even be strong for Adrien. What kind of brother couldn't be strong for-

"It's alright, Felix."

Alarmed, Felix threw his head up, mouth agape, and just _stared_ at him.

Adrien just gave him this _look_ , like there was nothing to be sorry for, like Felix was still this strong hero that could have still been _forgiven_ for any of the things he'd done.

Couldn't he see that the Felix trying to keep it together was in _shambles?_

He just stared with a sort of numbness as Adrien knelt next to him, idly brushing his fingers against the cool rim of the silver ring adorning his ring finger. "I don't blame you for any of this. This is all so tough, and yet it feels so… _new_ to me somehow. That now there's a real danger I have to face, that now I have to protect the ones I love even more than before. And I think I kinda get how you're feeling."

Felix figured that he was just trying to help, maybe to make up for when he wasn't able to before, but this wasn't something that Adrien could just _get_ , not without experiencing the pain and heartache Felix had endured ( _succumbed to_ ) before. "You can't possibly understand how this feels," Felix muttered miserably.

"I don't," he admitted. "But I'm starting to get the idea."

"No," Felix said, making a noise that was a vague cross between a scoff and a sigh. "You're really not."

Felix looked away, sparing only a quick glance Adrien's frown.

It didn't matter how long he tried, he would never _truly_ understand this pain. Not without losing his own Ladybug. Not without losing himself.

After a tense moment, Adrien spoke again. "You know I'm here for you, right...?" He reached out to touch his shoulder, and Felix instinctively recoiled away.

There was an unbearable moment of silence, one that Felix felt was _suffocating_. But how was he even supposed to respond to that? He had no right to feel like he could somehow deserve the support Adrien was trying to give, not a single right.

He couldn't bare to meet his gaze, though, and his peripheral vision just barely spotted Adrien slowly rise to his feet and take a few steps back. The air around Felix became colder, the absence of warmth more apparent than ever. It only served to amplify the isolation he was knowingly inflicting on himself. And while a part of him told himself not to care, that being alone was always a part of him that he was fine to accept and embrace, the part of him twisting his frustrating emotions from years of misgivings held back the part of him that yearned for his brother's warmth, the only semblance of it in his barren, bleak life.

"I'm gonna keep fighting, Felix."

Slowly, Felix looked up, seeing Adrien leaning one hand against the door frame (when he'd get over there?), his back to him. "I'll keep fighting for the city. Ladybug and I, _we'll_ fight for Paris, and we'll do it together. We'll do it for each other, and we'll do it for you."

Adrien finally turned, and that look of pure and unbridled hope and determination almost, _almost_ made Felix believe in his words.

"I'm gonna make you proud, Felix," Adrien nodded like a true hero. "I'm gonna do it for you."

With that, Adrien left the room, leaving Felix to just stare at the doorway in shock. There were really no words to even say, were there? That passion, that resolution, that belief, it wasn't something you could just respond to, even in the confines of your mind. It was one of those displays that you couldn't help but marvel at.

So he stared.

And after eons, Felix just grinned.

It wasn't any grin of happiness, certainly not, not with all that had happened to just switch on the feeling of joy, no matter how moving his words were. It was more of a grin of… irony, one could say.

Because Adrien already _had_ made Felix proud.

What kind of brother wouldn't be proud of him, after all? Adrien had already become a much better hero than Felix ever could. Even after all the pain he had seen take its toll on Felix, despite the very real possibility of going through the same thing, Adrien still adamantly believed in an outcome worth protecting.

Adrien wasn't stupid, most definitely not. He wasn't ignorant, and he wasn't naive.

He was optimistic to his very core, in a way Felix himself could never hoped to be.

Somehow, despite the rotten hand he was dealt (a missing mother, and emotionally detached… father ( _he can never know_ , thought Felix, _it would **destroy** him_), and now a brother with a callous disregard for his life), he still saw the brighter outcome and the best out of everything and everyone, and fought to protect it. Even when he had every reason not to. Even when he had every reason he _shouldn't_.

Somehow, Adrien saw a Felix that was just as much a hero as he could have been years ago, and not the echo of one that was tearing apart at the seams. A Felix that was worth doing something for.

So Felix smiled, even if he was well aware that he could never truly understand why Adrien would ever feel that way for _him_.

Perhaps if he could begin to be half of what Adrien thought of him, he could do about anything. He _would_ do about anything.

But… he wasn't, and that was never going to happen, Felix knew that fully well. He would never be the hero Adrien wanted, not when he was doing so much better than Felix could have ever hoped to have done.

Adrien was so _good._

And Felix was nothing like him.


End file.
